So I've got about 60 unread messages and I keep procrastinating the whole 'Epic E-Mail Reading Afternoon Of Doom'... but DON'T WORRY I WILL STILL COMMENT ON YOUR STUFF!

adelate, I hope you are going to survive without Camp Sparkle now... and if you don't, make sure to pay a visit once you're haunting us all. Btw, did you get my card?

Also, I just got my English Exam back... you know, the one I screwed up? Well, I've kinda got 14 points. Aka an A. Huh. And I'm already writing the next exam on Wednesday. Why yes, I'm kinda stressed out right now.

Especially since we're writing a German exam about a book I haven't read yet and I won't find the time to read it today, either. Plus, interpreting Die Leiden Des Jungen Werthers is kinda more difficult than Emilia Galotti. And, quite possibly, I should have just paid more attention in class but you can't have everything... right?

Oh and I managed to get into risu_hime's project about Japan & Anime! We have considered showing some Shônen-Ai images... :D

By the way, I think that (with the exception of risu_hime who is The Awesomeness in person) I get along a lot better with guys than with girls. I mean, I get along with girls just fine but I feel way more comfortable hanging out with guys.

Or, to put it in Merlin's (why yes, that's his real name) words: "Hey, wait a minute... we can talk about girls! She's bi!"
(he also has the habit of calling me bi-girl... while yelling across the street. oh well.)

So we made Saturday our poker night, and although I lost, I didn't lose alone - besides, it was the first time I ever played Poker - and I actually quite like it! :D (the huge amounts of popcorn may have had something to do with it though)

Even though I have virtually no time these days, I've started watching Project Runway, which is better than I thought.

Hey, J2 fic made me do it!

Guess who's really ill again!
I'm not sure I even want to know what scared my immune system so much that it just ran off a couple of years ago.

So instead of taking an English exam I'm spending the day in bed, trying not to die. And thinking about how to make Jensen look like a very hot, female hooker. I do love my brain. It distracts me from the painful reality.

I think I'm also kind of addicted to "Trust Me." I'm interested in advertising, even though I doubt I'd ever be good at it. The whole drama part of it is sort of boring and annoying but I love the chemistry between Mason and Connor. So, yeah, watching that. Looks like tnt is airing a couple of good shows lately.

Btw, if my grammar is as sucky as I think it is, I blame it on being ill. I'm kinda glad I didn't go to school - the exam would've been a disaster!

Thank god for J2 stories and "The Ballad Of Jared And Jensen". They make me happy.

And happy + dead is totally better than unhappy + dead. Zombies ftw!

....I don't know why I just wrote that.

Why, yes, God's a girl. Anyhow.

I think I'm coming down with something - again. I've had a cold for two days now and it's getting worse really really quick. Oh joy.

At least that means I've got no sports tomorrow. Although that also includes an annoyed sports teacher and me failing even more at Volleyball. I'm just hoping I'm not getting 0 points this term. I had 11 points last time!

Speaking of marks, I've got this term's first exam tomorrow: English.
And, I know, I'm the best student in English in the whole 11th grade, but I just know I'm going to screw this one up. It'll be about this horrific novel we're reading and, well. I do a lot better when I can work with a text I don't already now.

The question of the week, however, is: How do you fit work and going to a neurologist in one afternoon, when you're probably going to have to do an EEG which takes ages?
I'm so not looking forward to Thrusday.

Otherwise, fandom seems to be quite calm and nice right now. And maybe I'm just missing the wanks. Can't say I'm complaining.

Some of you might not like this - at all - but I'm not sure I'm really looking forward to Supernatural right now. It's just... there's so much angst I'm hardly enjoying it anymore. I just hope the finale won't end in tears.

Obviously I'm still obessively watching it, though, because I'm a masochist like that.

Hey there!

I just came to two shocking realizations.

The first one was that I have , in fact, slashed a much longer time than I thought I had. Unconsciously, of course, but still. I wrote a lot of original stuff when I started writing, and right now I kinda realize that I wasn't even that bad. That's cause my german was still better than my english. Now my english is better but not perfect, and neither is my german, which pretty much sucks and doesn't make my stories much better. Seriously, sometimes I think I had a much better writing style back then. Then again, the plots sucked and the character's were bitchy and emo, so I guess at least something is better now. Still! I slashed! Kinda, at least. Go and see.

Erfreut bemerkte Claudia dann, dass sich die meisten von ihr distanziert hatten. Nur eine alte Oma stand noch da, aber die schien glücklicherweise mit den Gedanken wo anders zu sein. Claudia kannte die Frau. Sie wohnte irgendwo am Marktplatz. Früher hatte sie dieses Café zusammen mit ihrem Mann geführt, der aber vor ein paar Jahren verstorben war. Sie selbst kam aber immer gerne ins Café und stand dann tatenlos herum. Wahrscheinlich erinnerte sie das alles an ihren Mann. Claudia konnte ihr es kaum verübeln.

Langsam nahm sie den Kuli in die Hand und schlug das Buch auf. Schon fast die Hälfte war mit ihrer, mal unordentlichen mal ordentlichen Handschrift beschrieben. Doch seufzend schlug sie das Buch gleich wieder zu, denn zwei Jungs, bestimmt drei, vier Jahre jünger als sie traten an ihren Tisch.

„Hey, willst du mit ihm gehen?“, fragte einer von ihnen. Der, der den Mund gehalten hatte war kaum zu erkennen, denn er hatte sich die Kappe so tief ins Gesicht gezogen, er hätte auch ein alter Opa sein können und man hätte es nicht erkannt.
„Warum geht ihr beiden nicht miteinander? Ihr gebt ein hübsches Pärchen ab“, knur
rte Claudia. Sie hasste es. Hier war man nie vor dummen Kindern mit Aufmerksamkeitssyndrom sicher.

„Na klar, das machen wir ja auch. Aber ich steh auf welche wie dich. Für dich würd ich ihn ja sogar verlassen“, erwiederte der eine wieder. Er kam sich wohl verdammt cool vor.

„Verpisst euch“, fauchte Claudia und nahm wieder ihre Tasse in die Hand.

„Was schreibst du denn da?“, der Typ ließ nicht locker. Claudia ignorierte ihn. Er stellte noch weitere Fragen, doch als Claudia überhaupt keine Notitz mehr von ihm nahm, verschwand er und der andere folgte ihm.


Now, the second reason I'm shocked is actually why I found this stuff.

As you may have noticed I'm just a little Steve Carlson and Christian Kane obsessed right now. So I ended up at spotinthecorner.net and there is this biography section, and then there is this:

“Supernatural” isn’t the only television show featuring Steve’s songs; his work also appeared in:

the ABC show “Men In Trees” (“Kinda Crazy These Days”)
the TV show “Crooked E: The Unshredded Truth About Enron” (“More Than I Deserve” - co-written with Christian Kane)
the movie “Be My Baby” (“Now That My Love Is Gone”)
the movie “Just Married” (“The Chase” - co-written with Christian Kane)
the movie “Life Or Something Like It” (“Sweet Carolina Rain” - co-written with Christian Kane)
the movie “Memory” (“Under You”)

Life Or Something Like It. I couldn't bloody believe it. I may or may not have sat in front of my laptop for about 10 minutes, staring and squeeing. Seriously. The reason why is a little complicated to explain, but I will try to make it short.

Years ago, around the time I started writing, there was this film on TV. Life or Something Like It - which is "Leben - oder so ähnlich" in german. I loved it, for several different reasons. To be honest, I don't remember much of the movie anymore, though I'll definitely watch it again, preferably tonight. Anyway, it kinda meant a lot to me, and I ended up more or less naming my next fic after it - "Regen - oder so ähnlich" cause, well, pretty much all my fanfic titles had the word 'Rain' in them, either in German or English. Thing about my fanfics, especially back then, is that they are part of me. To be honest, that doesn't really apply to them right now. I've written lots of Jack/Ianto, but not all of those really meant that much to me. Like "Home" - I wrote the fluff to cheer myself up, and it worked, but it didn't mean anything. It's like a one-night-stand, I guess. Anyway. Back then, my stories meant the world to me, and so did "Regen - oder so ähnlich". That's why the film stayed with me for so long. And believe me, that was a shock to realize Crhis and Steve wrote a song for it. Which you'll probably still don't understand, but whatever. Had to blog about this, cause my friends already think I'm insane as it is, I don't have to phone them at 11pm to tell them that Chris and Steve wrote a song for a film which's name I used for a fanfic, which for some reason means the world to me. Right. *rolls eyes* But they wrote it. They wrote a song for it!

The world is a small place, indeed.

So that's how I stumbled upon that original fic, cause I backed all my stories up a while ago and was looking for "Regen - oder so ähnlich" on the CD when I came across this original story.

Thought I'd share.

Cheers!

ETA: I'm still in shock though. I mean - they wrote a song for Life Or Something Like It! Ah! Weird!

ETA2: Looking through the back-up CD I actually found some poetry. and although this is me talking, it's actually not that bad!

This is totally pessimistic but I just love it. I think I wrote it in school...and wow, for school that's just awesome. If you ask me, anyway.

Without hope – Hoffnungslos

Die Nebelschwaden fliehen
Die Sonne kommt hindurch
Doch die Stille wird nicht gehen
Der Schatten bricht nicht auf

Die Sonne scheint, es regnet
Die Strahlen scheinen grau
Leise Schritte treten
Die Lebensgeister aus.

Und während noch die Hoffnung
Kommt und dann erlischt
Wer zählt schon auf die Hoffnung?
Ich, ich tu es nicht.

ETA3: Okay, I have to say I was wrong when I said my plot ideas sucked. Cause I just stumbled upon more stuff, and the plot ideas there just kicked ass. Which leaves me feeling pretty bad, cause apparently my writing got worse over the last 4 years or so, and really, that just sucks. I also realize that my writing style was a lot like Jonas' writing style is now, and I spent the last year drooling over his short stories. And really, just the short stories. He reminds me far too much of my brother for anything else. Now I'm drooling over my own writing style from four years ago. Fan-fucking-tastic. Life's just not fair.

ETA4: If I had been depressive to begin with, I'd be killing myself just about now. Some of those plots are frikking awesome. And I thought of them. And look at what I'm writing now. Seriously, WTF?

ETA5: Okay, that's it. That's just it. This is me quitting fanfiction for the time being. I got lots of more or less good plot ideas for Supernatural, lots of which I have started writing already, but I can't. I can't go on with that. Not after reading what I've just read. Not after reading what I've written years ago. Not like that. Sorry, if anyone out there was hoping to read any of my fanfics anytime soon, cause that's not gonna happen now. I need to find that part of myself, that was able to write awesome stories, first. 'Finding Yourself' sounds so cheesy, but that's just what this is. Bye-Bye Fanfiction it is, then.

ETA6 - and hopefully the last one: It is kinda funny though. This is me, a (wo)man on a mission, wearing a bathrobe over her pyjamas, ready to conquer whatever comes across her path. Very Arthur Dent. now there was a nice man. you honestly thought i could write an entry without any kind of doctor who reference? well, no such luck.

ETA7(and, really, the last one):It's way past midnight, but I'm feeling a bit better again. Maybe I should write Steve Carlson a thank-you letter. Seriously, only his music.

Hey there!

So yeah, school sucks. Especially when you have to catch up on two days cause you were ill. Two days that, yet again, include many essays. Seriously, what happened to answering questions like "What does the author want to express with this shortstory?" or "Describe your summer holidays, and this time remember to use more adjectives" or "Underline the sentences that tell you something about the developement of our society." No, we have to write essays. About everything. Argh!

Luckily we don't really have school Thursday and Friday so I guess I can catch up on a lot of work then. I'd do it today, but it's my mom's birthday and she has, like, two partys going on which really doesn't help. I'd stay at home tomorrow, but that just totally complicates things. And I got english. I want to go to school because of English! I'm pathetic o__o

Really weird thing? I'm in the Advanced English Course, right? There's this girl sitting next to me. And she bloody can't speak, write or understand English. I mean, her English is worse than that of my friends who are all in the normal English courses. I don't have a clue what she's doing there. At least it's a way to improve my beta'ing. Which, in itself, is weird cause whenever I write a fanfic I let someone beta it. Then again, that's a bit different from school stuff. I always beta my friends' homework when I have time :D

Anyway! I just realized how early it actually is. Well, early for me. And my writing sucks today. Another strange thing. Sometimes I can write just about everything and it even sounds good, and sometimes I can't write a single good sentence in a huge text. Not so great when you have an exam, but oh well. I'm totally writing crap here. Probably distracting myself from homework. I can see through my own, unconscious distracting methods! Which usually doesn't stop me from using them.

Okay, totally random post here!
But since it's so random...

LEVERAGE! Woohoo! It's ACE.

Chris Kane is just awesome in it. And the guy who plays Alec. I can see soooo much Eliot/Alec potential *smirks*. The pilot kicks ass!

Cheers!

ETA: And yet again, there's the downside of being able to speak English dangling in front of my face. Guess who has to try and understand what the letter of some Indian girl, who obviously isn't particularly good at it, says. And guess who has to reply? Worst thing is that I have to write in some kind of simple english. And me trying to write letters so that girl can understand it...is just awful. Don't try it at home ;)And now my English is even worse cause I just wrote the damn thing and am stuck in my bad-english-mind.

But! We have cake. Like, enormous, gorgeous, delicious cake. That's why I love my sister. It's called Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, by the way. No clue whether it actually exists anywhere else!

note to self: order new contacts.
i only got some for another month and it always takes ages until new ones arrive.

soo, it's wednesday. i begin to like wednesdays. nice break after the madness of tuesdays. and such a relaxed day!
Okay, first half of school is never so great: History, Chemistry and Music - after that you feel like you've just had 6 hours of school - but the rest is fine. Maths, English and Politics.

I read my aweful poem in English...oh well, our teacher seemed to like it.
Be careful, this might hurt your eyes.

( Poem under the Cut )

For those of you who were to scared to look under the cut (can't really blame you^^) the last line is "Leave this behind - cause living is work". Now, I'm gonna analyse that. Because I can.
Oh and because I'm bored. Who'd have guessed.
So! Living is work. The poem is about someone (well, me) wanting to go somewhere else, 'see more of the world' and blah. For me, that is living. going somewhere else, meet new people & places. that's living for me. so you should put some effort in living. because what's life without living? so living is work, and that's why. Yup, and you are probably running away screaming right now. Long live the randomness!

But anyway. That was the english lesson, Politics was next. I gotta say, the wheather is awesome! Sun is shining and I've been running around in shorts and t-shirt when i got back from school. So we went outside in Politics, two groups did some presentations and we pretended to listen. Not like you can understand very much when there are little kids and some guys who've already passed their final exams running around and shouting and (in the older guys' case) drawing something on the floor. turns out that was a mouth... ah well. crazy people. crazy crazy. and you say i'm mad! (well actually you don't say that - i do! but nevermind).
It was really nice lying in the sun though. And writing stuff on my calendar, trying not to laugh out load when I discovered that page where i've written lots and lots of jack/ianto stuff... XD

Rest of the day was okay too. Went to the bookstore to order part 4 and 5 of the Hitchhikers Guide series by Douglas Adams. Which reminds me: Towel Day! The 25th of May! Don't forget your towels, people. eh, I can remember the latest towel day really well. Took that red towel with me.. oh it was fun. Douglas Adams rocks. well, rocked. Can you even say that?

I've spent the last hour or so painting... there's the pic. Small version, once again. Click here for the original version.



Uhm.. so my mother just came in and she said "oh this looks great!" which i thought was a good sign. sure. "looks like you". yeha. thank you very much.
okay, seriously, please tell me this looks at least a bit male? just a tiny tiny bit? y/n?

have fun!
neyne

(there it is! :D)

Rating: G
Genre: Slash, AU
Characters: Mohinder/Gabirel, a bit of sylar/suresh/walker-family.
Summary: Sylar is gone, but Gabriel still feels badly about what happened...
Authors Note: Sorry for my bad english. It's the first fanfic I write in that language, and also my first mylar fanfic... uh, but have fun ;)

November Rain

It was dark. It rained. And no sound could be heard, exept for the slow footsteps on the ground. But not much later, they stopped.
Finally, Gabriel halted and looked around. He was standing in a dark alleyway, surrounded by...simply nothing. He was alone. He couldn't bear it anymore.
The tall man sank to the floor, leaned against the wall – eyes closed. He was alone. Alone.
And how could he have expected anything else? He was a monster. He had killed countless people.
Although he might not come out anymore, Sylar remained inside of him. And he'd never leave.
How could he have expected anyone to even talk to him, after all he'd done? Because – whatever Mohinder said – it was his fault. Gabriel had created Sylar. He had let Sylar take over. And he hadn't been able to stop him.
He felt weak. And that had nothing to do with him having no more powers. He wasn't special anymore. He didn't care. No, he was weak as a person. His spirit – in case he still had something like that – was weak.
But before the former watchmaker could deepen that thought, the familiar sound of footsteps could be heard again. Only this time, it wasn't Gabriel who created that sound.
Suprised, he looked up, just to look at the wall again. Great, now he even started to hallucinate. Because this just couldn't be true. It could not be Mohinder standing there in the alleyway, looking at him with some sort of concern. No, definitely not.
„Molly said you'd be here“, the geneticist explained quietly.
Since when did hallucionations talk? And since when did what they said also make sense?
„She said you needed help.“
Oh well. It wouldn't hurt talking to the hallucionation, would it?

„You can't help me. No-one can.“
Suddenly, something changed. There was that weird expression on Mohinders face, that Gabriel had seen before, a few times, long ago. He barely remembered anything of the time when Sylar had taken over him, and had killed so many people. When he had posed as 'Zane' to steal the list from Mohinder.
It was weird to see that expression again. Hallucinations tend to be strange, of course, but this was unexpected. Maybe, said a faint bit of hope in Gabriel, maybe this wasn't a hallucination after all. But how was he supposed to find out?
Again, Mohinder distracted him from his thoughts. His voice was full of concern now.
„I have to.“
„What for?“ Gabriel shook is head. „I killed them. I killed nearly all of them. I don't deserve this.“
'whatever this is', he added silently. He still couldn't really understand why Mohinder had kept him around. He was greatful, of course, but the reasons were something he couldn't figure out.
„It wasn't you. It was Sylar. And he is gone“, Mohinder responded.
„But Sylar is me.“
„Not anymore.“
Mohinder made a few steps in Gabriels diraction and put forth his hand.
„Come on. You'll get a cold.“
The watchmaker looked startled. But then he took Mohinders warm, chocolate-colored hand. And finally, he realized that this couldn't be a hallucination. There weren't many things that could be more real than this. Which didn't mean he completely understood what was going on.
„Why are you doing this?“
Mohinder sighed. „Because I care about you. And you will really get a cold if you don't come home now.“
Home. Gabriel smiled at his words and Mohinder smiled back, turning around and heading to the end of the alleyway, when Gabriel suddenly grabbed his arm.
„Wait.“

It was still raining, when they kissed. However the sky seemed to be slightly brighter. Maybe the sun would make it through the thick clouds soon.
And it did.
A rainbow stretched over the city when they made their way back. Molly hugged them both, grinning. She had obviously been waiting for them.
„Welcome home, Gabriel“, she said.

did i ever mention how much homework actually sucks?
well, if i did, here it goes AGAIN:

I T
F U C K I N G
S U C K S!!!!

i mean, just look at the french homework:
"Qu'est-ce que vos parents attendent de vous?" (what do your parents expect from you [doing the dishes n stuff]?)
honestly - WHO CARES?
though this topic (problems of teenagers o.O) is slightly better than the last one: "is there a lack of environmental awarness in our society?" - cause, as everybody knows, the answer is YES, and the topic would've been done with that. but no, of course we had to divide in groups and start discussions, that we had to present in front of the class later. it's not like i hate french as a language, but at school it simply S U C K S.

so great. my parents expect me to clean my room, and i have to go on a walk with my dog every now and then. sometimes i have to cook. and guess who cares. not even you care, which is why you probably already stopped reading this... if you ever started.

ouhm, but at least i got to do something now o.o cause i've been waiting for my violine teacher to call since uhm... 6 pm? and now its 10pm. O__o
god i hate this.
and i just realized that i could've spend the last hours in front of the tv... but now it'S too late, heroes is already over.
great.
i think i start hating wednesdays. meaning the only days i still like are saturday and sunday. it used to be wednesday, friday, saturday and sunday. but on fridays i now got violin lessons, and on wednesdays i ALWAYS got to work on some school stuff. oh well. who cares.

oh but english homework is really easy, we're only supposed to learn some words.
n lately i've noticed that i already know most of the words that are in our english books, so that wont be any problem at all :D
LOL just look at that:
"german" - legal "english" - legal.
god, they really DO think all pupils are stupid, dont they?

hm and then there's math. it's pretty easy, but a lot of work.
n when i did that, that's it. today it's not much but it's extremely annoying. ANNOYING.
but maybe, if i'm in a good mood you'll get the fanfiction i started writing in school in an hour or so.

yay.
see you.

edit: wait a sec. what did i do math for??? we dont even HAVE math tomorrow! ARGH, i'm really stupid. i didn't even do math homework until yesterday, and now i'm already doing it before i need it. h e l p . O__O